Body Confidence: Be Proud of Your Battle Scars!

Dealing with new scars on your body isn't easy for everyone. I've had scars for as long as I can remember and they've never bothered me a huge deal but during my teenage years I did start to feel a little insecure about them, especially as I was dancing during that time and my dance uniform showed them off quite a lot.

I realised last time I did a blog post about scars I didn't actually put in a picture of my own scars, which was a bit naughty of me really when I was telling everyone to not worry about them. These are the best pictures I could get while still preserving my modesty! The first one is my pacemaker scar, and as you can see the pacemaker is pretty visible as a lump under the skin, in the second one you can see my heart surgery scar, which you can see in the third one goes all the way down to my belly button because I had surgery on my abdomen after my heart surgery so they carried on with the existing scar.








(You have no idea how weird it feels putting a picture of your belly button on the internet!)

It does surprise me how much people stare at my scars when I'm talking to them. I don't really think about my scars much so the only time I'm aware of them is when they get stared at. But I definitely think the staring was worse when I was a teenager and was around other teenagers. So if you're that age and becoming insecure by your friends and classmates staring, trust me it does get better as you and the people around you grow up. I think people stared at my scars, if not everyday, every other day, but now it's quite unusual for it to be as common as once a week. Everyone starts feeling insecure about themselves at that age so it's natural for everyone to be looking at each others bodies to try and figure out what "normal" is, so don't just assume they're thinking something mean. The thing about people is, they're far more likely to be thinking about themselves and how they're acting and how they look and their own insecurities than they are going to be judging or thinking about you.

Scars are an inevitable part of living, whether it's a little mark from a pimple you picked at a little too enthusiastically, a scar from falling down some stairs when you were a kid, or a huge open heart surgery scar, they're all a part of you and a part of your story. You can't and shouldn't wipe out a part of your history just because it's unpleasant. That goes for stretch marks too, I have stretch marks over my hips and bottom because I was really underweight as a child and I didn't have much of a bottom at all, so when I went through puberty, I grew outwards really fast and the stretch marks appeared (Yep, stretch marks happen to petite people too!). Even though they haven't got nearly as interesting a story as my scars, I still don't dislike them, to be honest I'd completely forgotten about them until I thought about writing this blog post. We should just be glad our skin is able to stretch that well, it would be much worse if it started cracking and bleeding! The same with scars, they're not painful or unsightly, besides people pay hundreds and sometimes thousands of pounds to scar their body with tattoos to remind them of their past, you've got an awesome one for free that will always remind you of that operation you survived. Just because scars aren't as fashionable as tattoos doesn't mean they aren't as meaningful or beautiful. Not to mention giving you a bit of a head start when it comes to dressing up as a zombie for Halloween and coming up with awesome stories about your scar actually being from a shark attack for your nieces and nephews. And girls, don't worry, most guys find them cool, you're definitely not going to be missing out on any dating opportunities because of your scars. Men aren't idiots, they know the beauty industry is not an accurate representation of female beauty better than most of us do!

I never think about my scars when I'm buying clothes or choosing what to wear. I don't feel any less uncomfortable when they're on show and when they're not. Even when I was choosing dresses for my school prom, my scars weren't something I was considering. Although, I remember when I was reading Harry Potter for the first time (probably around the age of 8) I had a dream where I walked up to the mirror of erised and I saw myself without any scars, so maybe I was more aware of it than I remember but that's pretty much the only memory I have of wishing I didn't have scars. When I was a teen my best friend had scars too and we chatted about it. So, if you're a teen and feeling uncomfortable about your scars, just chat to your friends about it, I promise you that no one cares about them as much as you think they do and you might find out that someone else has a scar too.

I'll be putting my pictures up on my Instagram to show everyone that scars are nothing to be ashamed about or self conscious of. (check out my new instagram feed on the side bar, and there's a link to follow me there too!)

I hope this has helped you to feel better about any scars you have!

Buying swimwear when you have a pacemaker and/or scars

I've never had a problem showing off my scars. I've had them since I was three and there as much a part of me as my personality. And I couldn't really hide them in the summer, even if I wanted to, without getting ridiculously hot. I have one scar from the top of my chest right down to my belly button from open heart surgery and surgery on my abdominal organs. I also have quite a wide horizontal scar just below my right shoulder and quite a big raised lump where my pacemaker is. Pacemakers are usually fitted on the left side but as my heart is a bit back to front they had to put it on my right side instead. I'm on my fourth so the scar has been done over four times and it's quite messy and wide. I also have a diagonal scar on my right side at breast height but as I can't see that one unless I look in a mirror and lift my arm it doesn't bother me at all and it's pretty thin and hardly noticeable. I got it when I pulled on my wires out after my first open heart surgery (a first according to the nursed, no one knows how I managed to do it!) and my lungs filled up with fluid they had to drain off. I have a few catheter scars on my neck and groin and some from blood tests on my wrists and ankles.

The pacemaker one and the heart surgery and abdominal surgery one are the most noticeable and I do get stared at quite a lot when I wear bikinis but so what? People walk around with tattoos on their foreheads and get stared at too. There's no reason to be embarrassed about your scars, or worried people will get offended by them. They're part of who you are. And I promise you no one is going to be thinking anything bad about you because you're showing your scars. It's more likely they'll be thinking "oh good for her, she's not hiding her scars" or most probably, "wonder what she did to get those scars". Hopefully they'll be thinking I've been attacked by a shark or something rather than the slightly boring reality.

It's natural to feel a little self conscious about scars, the same as you would if you went out without a certain bit of makeup that you always wear to a certain place or if you haven't washed you're hair that day. It's something you have to get over if you want to wear whatever clothes you want.

On a practical level, pacemakers get in the way when you're buying clothes, literally. Bikinis, bras and sometimes swimming costumes are the hardest to find when you have a pacemaker. The bandeau stye bikinis that sit just below the edge of the pacemaker can be quite painful, especially if you're quite skinny like me. Straps can sit awkwardly pushing at the side of the pacemaker which can uncomfortable and painful. Wide straps are the best choice and halter-necks are good for hiding and cushioning the pacemaker completely when they sit at the right angle. Adjustable straps or a halter-neck that's tied at the back of the neck are good as they can be made slightly looser on one side so as not to be too tight on the tender tissue around the pacemaker. 

This year I bought my swimwear from Marks and Spencer's (if you're not British and wondering what that is it's an upmarket store that sells everything from health and beauty stuff to clothes to food). The clothes are obviously aimed at women a little older than myself and I'm quite big breasted so the support they're swimwear provides is great for me. They're also good because the straps on their bikinis and swimming costumes are quite wide and both the bikini and the swimming costume I bought completely covers my pacemaker and as they're slightly padded they cushion it quite nicely and none of the seams are uncomfortable on the edges of my pacemaker. Marks and Spencer do some nice young clothes now too so they're not all really plain and boring. The bikini I bought as a black and white Aztec print on and the swimming costume is navy blue with white cherries all over and a little skirt at the hips. The bikini has a halter-neck and the swimming costume has nice wide straps. They've both got low necklines so they show off quite a lot of my central scar but as you've probably gathered that doesn't bother me at all. They were on the pricey side but they had a 20% promotion on when I bought them so it turned out to be quite a bargain. And they're going to last me a good few years as they're kind of things I could wear for ages without them going out of fashion or not suiting an older body. 

I hope this has been useful. I don't know very many girls with pacemakers but I'm sure other people must have the same problems I do with getting clothes that are comfortable around my pacemaker. If not I hope you found it enlightening and if you have scars I hope I've made you feel a bit better about them. 

Thanks for reading!