Hospital visit

Well, I said I didn't expect them to come up with anything and they didn't. They have absolutely no idea why I am in so much pain. They just kept saying, "well, we know it's not the heart, that's good" but that doesnt help me. I'm still in pain and to be honest I didn't think it was my heart to begin with. I knew how this appointment was going to go, but I still wasn't really prepared for them to shrug their shoulders and start coming up with weird ideas. They're sending me to someone else because they reckon it could be heartburn. I've never had this but I'm sure for one it wouldn't continue solidly for 3 weeks and secondly be a 9 on the pain scale.

It is very frustrating not knowing what it is. I'm used to it, but that never really makes it easier to deal with, just easier to put out of your mind when you want to.

I'm really not keen on staying on morphine for a long time either, because I'm sure that's not good for you, but I don't want to be in pain either. It doesn't really get rid of the pain but it takes the edge off and stops you getting restless and unable to find a comfortable position. It's a highly addictive class A drug, which sort of scares me a little. But my doctors don't seem too worried about it. I know I'm not addicted because I often forget to take my next dose and only remember when the pain starts getting really bad.  But it's still a bit scary. I hate the idea of being dependant on something. Even though I'm practically dependant on all my drugs, it's just not a mental dependancy.

So I'm going to be in pain for a while. Good job my uni is done for this year. Except for two assignments I missed due to illness earlier in the year, but they're not due for a while I think. They're both essay type things, so I can whip them out quickly compared having to give in a story, which takes a bit more careful planning. That sounds a bit backwards but I'm a bit backwards myself.

Just got to hope the pain eases a bit in the next couple of weeks.

Thanks for reading!

My sexy oxygen tubes and one poorly chest :(