The Things That Made Me Happy Last Week

It's positivity time again! It's been another good week and these are the five things that made me happy!

1. Going to Bath to see my brother. 

I went to Bath on Tuesday with my mum and my gran to visit my brother who I haven't seen for a while. We had a lovely meal in the Pump Rooms, which is a really old building my Gran used to go dancing in as a young girl but now does lovely food and cream teas. And we had the most amazing coffee in a little indepent shop. You didn't need any sugar, it was that good! When I went to use the bathroom I heard the people who work there discussing how the PH of the water you use affects the taste of the coffee. Bath is great for little gems like that. We've had lots of meals out this week because I've had so many hospital appointments this week. Mum and I always have some nice food after just so the day isn't all about hospitals. 

2. Seeing the tall ships! 

In my city we have some lovely Victorian docks and every now and then a film company wants to do some filming there. We have a tall ships festival where some old Pirates of the Carribean style ships come in. This week they're filming some of Through The Looking Glass there and they've got the tall ships there at the same time as part of the set. We went down on Saturday to have a look as they were all set up for the filming, which started this Monday. It looks really impressive and we got to see the ships there with all the props set up around them: crates, barells and piles of rope, as well as some modifications to the old buildings to make them look older. Everyone's all excited about Johnny Depp because the press keep saying he's coming but as he plays the Mad Hatter I don't think he's going to be in any of the Victorian London scenes. But it's a big film so there will probably be some famous faces around. The press also reported that Tim Burton would be there but he's not directing this one. He's well known for never doing sequels to any of his films. But as a film studies student I'm interested in sets and things so I'm going to see if I can get down there when they're filming if I can but if I'm too tired at least I can say I saw all the sets. 

They used this boat in Pirates of The Carribean too but it has been burnt down and rebuilt since then! 

Sneaky picture on the set! 

3. Not being in hospital 

This should probably be on my reasons to be happy list every week! I would have prefered getting my pacemaker change done on Friday because then it would be all out of the way by now but at least I got to spend this weekend at home and have a nice end to a nice week rather than a scary operation. I don't really get nervous about things before they're happening. I'll be scared when I'm in the waiting room, about to go in, but I'm able to put it out of my mind and enjoy the weekend. So that's something to be happy about.

4. New clothes! 

My lovely mum treated me to some clothes from topshop after we had the bad news of my pacemaker having run out of battery. A lot of my clothes don't really fit too well anymore and because my belly is swollen some of my tops just don't look right anymore. So we picked up some leggings that fit nicely, some little summery jumpers and some desperately needed cropped vests so I can wear short tops without looking a bit strange with a long vest underneath. I struggle with bras because I feel like I can't breathe in them and my swollen liver becomes very sore if I wear anything remotely tight in that area so I wear vests a lot with any tops that aren't quite as modest as I'd like. I feel nice and pretty and comfortable in everything we got so I'm very happy. We used the points on my Raymond Blanc frequent diner card (I am aware how posh that makes me sound!) so as we got lunch for practically free we didn't feel guilty about a little clothing splurge. 

5. Chinese night

Yes, it's that time again. Once a month my Aunty and I got to my Gran's with Chinese takeaway and have a lovely feast followed by a long chill out on the sofa. I love Chinese food so it's a great little monthly treat. It's such a nice takeaway, nothing is too greasy and it tastes really good. It's a naughty treat but it's a good one! And having a nice evening with my Aunt and Grandparents is the icing on the Chinese cake!

Buying swimwear when you have a pacemaker and/or scars

I've never had a problem showing off my scars. I've had them since I was three and there as much a part of me as my personality. And I couldn't really hide them in the summer, even if I wanted to, without getting ridiculously hot. I have one scar from the top of my chest right down to my belly button from open heart surgery and surgery on my abdominal organs. I also have quite a wide horizontal scar just below my right shoulder and quite a big raised lump where my pacemaker is. Pacemakers are usually fitted on the left side but as my heart is a bit back to front they had to put it on my right side instead. I'm on my fourth so the scar has been done over four times and it's quite messy and wide. I also have a diagonal scar on my right side at breast height but as I can't see that one unless I look in a mirror and lift my arm it doesn't bother me at all and it's pretty thin and hardly noticeable. I got it when I pulled on my wires out after my first open heart surgery (a first according to the nursed, no one knows how I managed to do it!) and my lungs filled up with fluid they had to drain off. I have a few catheter scars on my neck and groin and some from blood tests on my wrists and ankles.

The pacemaker one and the heart surgery and abdominal surgery one are the most noticeable and I do get stared at quite a lot when I wear bikinis but so what? People walk around with tattoos on their foreheads and get stared at too. There's no reason to be embarrassed about your scars, or worried people will get offended by them. They're part of who you are. And I promise you no one is going to be thinking anything bad about you because you're showing your scars. It's more likely they'll be thinking "oh good for her, she's not hiding her scars" or most probably, "wonder what she did to get those scars". Hopefully they'll be thinking I've been attacked by a shark or something rather than the slightly boring reality.

It's natural to feel a little self conscious about scars, the same as you would if you went out without a certain bit of makeup that you always wear to a certain place or if you haven't washed you're hair that day. It's something you have to get over if you want to wear whatever clothes you want.

On a practical level, pacemakers get in the way when you're buying clothes, literally. Bikinis, bras and sometimes swimming costumes are the hardest to find when you have a pacemaker. The bandeau stye bikinis that sit just below the edge of the pacemaker can be quite painful, especially if you're quite skinny like me. Straps can sit awkwardly pushing at the side of the pacemaker which can uncomfortable and painful. Wide straps are the best choice and halter-necks are good for hiding and cushioning the pacemaker completely when they sit at the right angle. Adjustable straps or a halter-neck that's tied at the back of the neck are good as they can be made slightly looser on one side so as not to be too tight on the tender tissue around the pacemaker. 

This year I bought my swimwear from Marks and Spencer's (if you're not British and wondering what that is it's an upmarket store that sells everything from health and beauty stuff to clothes to food). The clothes are obviously aimed at women a little older than myself and I'm quite big breasted so the support they're swimwear provides is great for me. They're also good because the straps on their bikinis and swimming costumes are quite wide and both the bikini and the swimming costume I bought completely covers my pacemaker and as they're slightly padded they cushion it quite nicely and none of the seams are uncomfortable on the edges of my pacemaker. Marks and Spencer do some nice young clothes now too so they're not all really plain and boring. The bikini I bought as a black and white Aztec print on and the swimming costume is navy blue with white cherries all over and a little skirt at the hips. The bikini has a halter-neck and the swimming costume has nice wide straps. They've both got low necklines so they show off quite a lot of my central scar but as you've probably gathered that doesn't bother me at all. They were on the pricey side but they had a 20% promotion on when I bought them so it turned out to be quite a bargain. And they're going to last me a good few years as they're kind of things I could wear for ages without them going out of fashion or not suiting an older body. 

I hope this has been useful. I don't know very many girls with pacemakers but I'm sure other people must have the same problems I do with getting clothes that are comfortable around my pacemaker. If not I hope you found it enlightening and if you have scars I hope I've made you feel a bit better about them. 

Thanks for reading!